"If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness."
- Jack Handey
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"It is always better to have no ideas than false ones; to believe nothing, than to believe what is wrong."
- Thomas Jefferson
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"A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him."
- Mae West
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"My cat can eat a whole watermelon!"
- Crispin Glover as Ruben from Ruben & Ed 

Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the Earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain. Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing you haven't got: a diploma.